Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Completing Grief 417: Dakinis Warm Breath upon the Crying Child (composition notes)

I composed this picture ("Anguished Child," Tenabah, copyright 2013) using a black and white photo as a starter template.  The colors represent the emotional anguish of the inner child.  There is a sense of a background luminosity that the child is always abiding within, but not a sense that the child is feeling into and relaxing into this luminosity, even though within this luminosity is the dakini energy chanting "ah" sounds in choir, in harmonic fifths, especially D and A, radiating the energy of healing in full trust that the child will eventually and slowly relax into their warm breath and be healed.


Available for download at:
under the title:  "Completing Grief"
in the "Wonderful Singles" tab
Musician's Name:  Ambient Dharma

This composition is called "Completing Grief 417: Dakinis Warm Breath upon the Crying Child".  The composition has about five layers (some of the layers also have layers).  The first layer is made with my "harmonic tamboura" program on my favorite software synthesizer, the ZynAddSubFx.  I was tweaking the sound of the keyboard, partly deliberately and partly randomly, when I came to a sound that sounded like the tamboura.  This was an instrument that I had gotten from the Ali Akbar Khan School of Music and tried to play for a while.  I later made a PVC deep bass version of the instrument which I later gave to a friend who later gave it to another friend.  The challenges of the actual instrument is that you need to constantly retune it, deep bass longer strings even more so.  Another problem with the actual instrument is that you cannot alter the chord very much, so that I was locked into CF or DA.  I also had an electronic tamboura which could be altered to other chords.  I eventually sold this to a musician in Minneapolis when I was visiting there.  The sound quality was good for small gatherings through its built in speaker as a support drone sound, but the sound quality of the line out had too much signal to noise artifacts for any decent recording.  I was happy to have found a better sound through tweaking the virtual dials of the softsynth and a sound that had all the possible chords available, even solfeggion chords.

The progression starts with the CF and CG chords played in single notes played close enough to reverberate with the next noted to form the two note chords.  The CF chord is the "fire chord" according to the Edgar Cayce channelings and is meant to activate the kundalini fire at the sacrum and bring it upwards.  This is the primal life force that wants to move up through all the chakras and open the crown chakra of unconditional bliss-enlightenment.  The CG is an harmonic fifth which introduces balance and unblocked growth into this fiery energy.

The next part of the progression is cycle of three harmonic sixth chords which represent sadness, anger, and fear.  The harmonic sixth chords have a sad angst tone, because they are unresolved.  They represent the three afflicted emotions.  They are afflicted because each of these emotions has the mark of suffering (dukkha) to them.  When we feel them, we feel sorrow in them in the present moment.  When I was studying a lot of data from regular psychology, I was surprised that this simple observation was not made about these emotions, that they have the mark of suffering in them.  This can be verified easily by present centered awareness.  Regular psychology does acknowledge that these emotions have a debilitating intensity to them, where we can no longer function in ordinary life.  These delibilitating and afflicted levels of the emotions are the emotional charge associated with trauma level experiences.  The harmonic sixth chord progression is meant to invoke these emotions in order to gently heal them.  From a musical awareness, the unresolved quality of the chord brings in its own resolution, the afflicted emotions call in their own healing.  This is done by the surrounding support layers holding their completions.  This means that we are meant to expand our awareness to the space surrounding the emotions and let the space heal us.

The next step in the progression are three fire chords, CF, DG, and EA.  They are meant to keep stimulating the energy forward, and support the CG harmonic fifth of unblocking growth.  The next step in the progression after this are three harmonic fifths, CG, DA, and EB which retune the chakras to each other and create balance.

The theme of the entire progression is stimulating movement and balancing the movement with the intention of unblocking stuck emotional places within us.  This progression is supported by a solfeggio chord of 417 for breaking up crystallized emotions and 852 for "coming home" back into luminous emptiness.  The solfeggio 417 and 852 notes are formed by very pure sine waves.  They are phantom tones with the actual tones being 415 right and 419 left, and 850 right and 854 left.  This makes a delta 4hz binaural beat when heard with headphones.  Because there are two 4hz binaural beats, the the brain reinforces itself deeply at this frequency and goes into the correspond state of consciousness, a deep dreaming level consciousness that has access to the "crying child" within our subconscious mind.  When played without headphones, the right and left sounds form two isochronic frequencies of 417 and 852.  This allows the composition to sound musical both with and without headphones and have a similar effect.

The warm breath of the Dakinis, higher female beings who live a vow to save all sentient beings from sorrow, is represented by a three layer harmonic choir chant of the seed syllable "ah".  The "ah" sound is keyed to the DA harmonic fifth which is about bringing the wisdom (A) of luminous emptiness into the belly needs anxiety chakra (D) to meet the emotional needs of this chakra.  Inside the belly chakra is a needy child, alone, sad, afraid, and in angst about life, crying and grieving because it has lost its home in the warm lumious creative emptiness that is constantly birthing the manifest universe.  The "ah" sounds of the Dakini are breathing this warm energy upon the crying child with the gentle confidence that the child will breathe in this nourishment and through this breathing gently rejoin the luminous emptiness as part of this luminous emptiness.  "Ah" is also the seed syllable and summary of the Heart Sutra whose core message is:  Let go, let go, really let go, totally let go, let go of trying to let go, let of even possessing the wisdom of letting go, let go so deeply that all fear and the possibility of fear completely ends, awaken to your true nature, your luminous selfless empty nature, rest within the interdependence of everything with everything else, abide in the sentient oneness of life, and flow blissfully with its intuitive wisdom.  "Ah," being the sound of insight (as in "aha!") and the sound of let go ("ah" for relaxation), is the essence and most condensed version of this sutra.

The last layer is a 3D whirling vortex sound that merges with the "ah" choir and the gentle beat of the delta 4 hz binaural beat that synchronizes the brain with this luminous empty space.  The whirling vortex is the activity of luminous space itself, showing that we exist and are at home within a living universe that cares for us, beyond all the apparent dramas of ordinary life, the play of karma.

The composition is called "Dakinis Warm Breath upon the Crying Child" because inside all of us is this part that is in angst, formed before our intellectual adult mind, and which needs healing and which is not satisfied with words or analysis.  The composition is meant to touch this part of ourselves and bring it back home.

Extra notes:  When I am not composing music, I am usually doing energy, breath, and emotional healing work.  I created this composition to help assist in "completing grief".  I like this way of phrasing the process, because I do not consider grief to be a problem.  The grief itself is part of our healing and integration of loss.  I found that grief moves through six phases in order to fully heal our sense of loss.  The first phase is "acknowledging loss".  This is where we intellectually acknowledge loss and emotionally feel the loss as grief.  The second phase is "letting go".  This is where we visualizing sending the person into the light in a bubble of light.  We feel the grief as letting go of something that we cherish.  The third phase is "feeling where he or she is now".  After we acknowledge loss and let go, then we can feel the person where he or she is now.  It is an intuitive and energetic connection.  It is feeling that "separation" from what we love is an illusion and that we can always be with them now.  This completes most of the grief to feel this.  The fourth phase is "letting the person have his or her journey".  It is to feel, imaginatively, where they are going in their journey, through the bardo (the place between death and rebirth) and on to other lifetimes.  Our journeys cause us to meet with people we love, again and again, and part again and again.  We trust that we are meant to be with each other as long as we are meant to be with each other, and then meet again when the time is right.  We relax into this implied trust in life.  The fifth phase is "giving ourselves the gift that they gave us".  I found that a few people still did not finish their grief after moving through four phases and found a little more was necessary.  One person said that her lost lover made her feel beautiful and she needed to now make herself feel beautiful, to acknowledge the beauty in herself that the other person saw.  I found that one more phase after this was necessary, the sixth phase, "giving the gift to someone else".  It seems that we only keep, emotionally, what we give away.  When we make someone else feel beautiful (or whatever the gift was), then the circle is complete.  And through out this whole process, it is important to fully feel the emotions and breathe, breathe, and breathe.

I am putting these notes out, because I find that it helps a person smoothly go through his or her grief.  It is important to not try to "fix" grief, as if it were wrong or inferior.  Sometimes a spiritual "bypass" happens, where we believe the person's soul has gone on and do not acknowledge the loss.  It is our body that misses their body, and needs this completion.  The chemistry of grieving tears is chemically different from allergy tears or hammer on the thumb tears.  The body is shifting its chemistry to adjust to the loved one not being there anymore.  Completing the grief allows a person to make a new connection with the person that is heartful, loving, spiritual, and beyond body.  When a person does not want to fully feel the grief, he or she holds his or her breath.  To fully feel the emotions, it is important to breathe in deeply and fully, expanding the lungs fully and gently pressing the rib cage from all sides.  The belly is meant to expand out on the inhale and relax in on the exhale.  The neck and jaw are meant to be relaxed too.

Grief becomes compassion, appreciation, and gratitude.  The love is already hidden within the grief.  We only grieve loss of someone we love and so the love is inside the grief.  This is also why it is important not to fix the grief, to try to stop grieving, to judge grief as bad in any way, or to "get rid of" the grief.  The energy is meant to be transformed by completion of its natural movement.  Saint Paul one time said, "They that sow in tears, shall reap in joy."

Because grieving is natural, it is possible to do this process on our own.  But sometimes a little help is necessary, especially if we were raised in environments that made grieving and crying wrong or even punishable.  A skilled healer may be useful to help undo the repressions that prevent this process from being easy and natural.  I am available, too, if someone needs this and cannot find anyone in his or her area, or just feels called to work with me.  I can do it remotely with a phone link, via Skype or Google Voice.  Ideally with a headset so that one can relax, lie down, breathe, and move with the inner experiences that want to happen.

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